É comum ouvir as perguntas "como é que é lá na Alemanha?", "gostas de lá/aqui estar?" quando estou em Lisboa ou mesmo quando conheço alguém aqui em Hamburgo com curiosidade sobre o assunto "expatriação" (uma versão mais moderna da palavra "emigração"). E eu sempre respondo com os meus "Sim, gosto muito de aqui estar...", "é claro que...", "mas também me faz falta..." para no final demonstrar que, tirando os amigos e família de quem tenho saudades, estou bem e sou feliz aqui. 

Pois bem, há uma outra coisa que me faz falta. Viver num país onde se fala Inglês já é complicado por não ser a nossa língua materna, agora imaginem viver num país em que o idioma é o Alemão! Muito complicado! Aprender a falar alemão dura uma vida inteira (há até quem diga que uma vida não é suficiente para se aprender alemão) mas o desafio maior não é aprender o idioma, mas sim criar uma nova personalidade num outro idioma, uma nova forma de comunicar e interagir, uma nova cultura:

Viver num outro país e em outro idioma é como assistir a um filme dobrado: perdem-se as particularidades da língua, as piadas deixam de fazer sentido ou ganham um novo sentido, a voz soa diferente e as personagens acabam por ganhar um outro carácter e personalidade. É isto que acontece com alguém que está fora: transforma-se na sua versão dobrada.

Há dias que eu só queria "viver em Português". Apenas isto: poder sair, falar, trabalhar e conviver em Português. E nestes dias penso que nenhum dos meus amigos ou colegas, ou mesmo o meu namorado me conhece na minha versão original. Nestes dias, EU sou aquilo que mais me faço falta, e penso cá para mim, que saudades tenho eu de mim, sem erros de tradução e falhas no casting, apenas na minha versão original.

Whether you call it monday blues or a light depression, there are those days (and those not necessarily happen on monday) where you feel like there is an inner you that wants to drag you somewhere cozy, comfortable, safe and preferably isolated. Today I had this feeling... But today, I was decided to fight against it, no matter how much would cost me... Whether you decide to do sports, clean the house (this one also works very good for me) or just go for a walk, you might find yourself going through this stages.

Part I - Stay away from beds, sofas, etc.

Whatever happens, do not, I repeat, do not, fall into the temptation of lying, sitting or resting for a second.

I came from work, and the all ME: body, mind and soul were screaming for asylum. I resisted, I needed to go to the gym, "doing sport is good Cris, sport makes you feel better" I thought. So I got home, went straight to my bedroom and without much thinking and no sitting I put my equipment inside my backpack. I was hungry, I wanted to eat something... "Let's get a yogurt", NO, wrong, that means siting, waiting, staying. I will go now. I got myself a cookie and left the house as fast as I could.

Part II - Resist to all the "signs"

Do not start reading signs everywhere. The world is not against you and is not sending you signals.

Couldn't find my sports bra, and I resisted... There was a part of me saying "that is a sign, just stay home", but I am strong "I will make it with ANY bra". YES. ANY bra would do and let's be realistic, sports bras are probably just a marketing thing. I did my best to get things in perspective. My head slightly ached, I started with some kind of psychosomatic symptoms while driving. I drove and all I could hear was my head aching and my thoughts on how cool would have been watching a bit of TV. Time to find a parking spot, "mission impossible, this is a sign". NO, it ISN'T, you just got a big car and parking is hard, and not just today, but every day in this area thousands of people struggle to park their cars, keep yourself calm, be patient. Finally, the car was parked and I was late to the class.

Part III - Busy mind = happy mind

Just keep your brain activity 100% on something that is NOT your problem.

I wanted to do some DANCE alike shit, something with a name like "Dance like an MTV star". I find those classes way more entertaining, because they represent making sports and using a brain at the same time: there is always this very complex choreography (and Germans make it really, really complex) that leaves me no body or mind function to think about how bad my day went, or how much my headaches. Simple as that.

Part IV - Be proud, you made it

After the class I felt tired, but nevertheless my bad thoughts were still there, together with hot flashes that are a consequence of a german gym: not refrigerated and too hot, "because this is a place to sweat" and also "please don't open the window because you might get an erkältung". I held strong, washed my face with cold water and went under the cold shower. Again with more time to think, I started recovering and thinking that I made it. 

It is not that my day got necessarily better, neither my problems disappear, even when the feeling comes back tomorrow or in a week, I feel proud, I became stronger and I won, and tomorrow I won't regret it.